Or May be Just Like This

Almost 30 and yet to find the love of your life? As harrowing as it may sound, that's just collectively a lot of us. Through all these growing years I have fallen in love numerous times. And each time someone broke my heart I mourned. Sometimes in balmy summer afternoons at the corner of my patio, Sometimes in a cafe sitting by the window gazing at the influx of people with genial smiles but deeper sorrows. And while it might not be the greatest idea to compare heartbreaks, unrequited love can mangle your heart in ways you couldn’t know, it could be mangled. At 15 when I fell in love, it was more a textbook kind of love. I tried to understand why I can't stop smiling when the person looked at me. In stupid ways, I felt more determined as they ignored me while raving about others in front of my friends. So profound was my love, that I would not mind the person going out on dates with someone else. Still harboring the hope that the person would drift towards me, so as to t

If only I could sit Outside, in the dark, Every night, and Be able to see All the stars My sky can hold. Just to be reminded, There is so much more To the universe Than infinity. If only I could be mad Outside, in the dark, Every night, and Be able to ignore All the words You said to me. Just to be reminded, There is so much more To life Than poetry. If only I could be deceived Outside, in the dark, Every night, and Be able to laugh at All the pictures You sent to me. Just to be reminded, There is so much more To love Than to love you. But I am sorry I have let my self down “You must know that I do not love AND that I love you, because everything alive has its two sides; a word is one wing of the silence, fire has its cold half.”

I am supposed to be writing my dissertation proposal. But academic writing is barely fun. So I thought maybe I could write on Love? But, what could I write about something that's as cliched and bastardized as Macy’s Thanksgiving day parade? Shakespeare said ‘ Journeys end in Lovers meeting ’. I am not sure I still understand that. At 21, when I read Love in the time of Cholera, I was a different person. Marquez was this fierce lover I resonated with. So much that I highlighted the line ‘ The only regret I will have in dying is if it is not for love ’ with a fluorescent marker. But at that aged wisdom leaves you and it takes at least 50 heartbreaks do deal with your warped sense of stupid romanticism. And then there ’s, Murakami who says cool stuff like What do you think? I'm not a starfish or a pepper tree. I'm a living, breathing human being. Of course, I've been in love. The bigger picture, however, is realizing that love in real life is unexpected. You may

I had just finished my first year in New York City. It was finally Summers . A summer of possibilities , of new experiences and also realizations. I was moving to Cambridge , MA for a summer job . I wasn’t happy. I wanted to go boating in Central Park , or just watch people doing yoga . I wanted to buy myself an ice-cream from Morgenstern’s while gazing at the sky scrapers in downtown . But in a weeks time , I landed myself in a quiet neighborhood in Cambridge . A neighborhood with colorful houses and strange silences . Occasionally me and my neighbor , a gawky teenager with round glasses would exchange glances from our attics , lit by neon lights . On weekends , I would go to bars , order myself drinks and just think of my life back in New York . But thats it . Something was missing . With a lot of gumption , one Friday night , I thought of installing a dating app on my phone . Quickly exhausted at the Hot or Not game ,I decided to call it off for the night. The next morning I